‘This has been an experience far beyond what I expected. I guess my original idea of Surrogate Partner Therapy was, “Here is a woman for you to learn to have sex with”. But after speaking to David the first time on the phone, reading his book and finally visiting ICASA, I knew there was something more here. I used to feel that within me, the way I felt was represented by disk divided in two. It reflected how ‘upside down’ I felt. Underneath the darkness I was in was the light. For ages I felt like I was in a mission to turn the disk the right way up. The real me was in the bright side underneath. This disk was always turning a bit, but never yet the right way up. The disk is now the right way up, and now I can walk the path I meant to. I’ve really loved my time at ICASA, and I’m so grateful. Honoured in fact. I love how ICASA’s outlook does not involve separation and splitting off, of good from bad, right and wrong. Surrogates aren’t expected to be ‘angels’, and the client isn’t trained to be either. It helped me feel mature, to feel like a proper guy rather than a whimpy feminine boy. ICASA can really help us get in touch with deeper masculinity rather than some weakened sanitised version. At some point I stopped feeling like a client and more like a student, and now I’m off to learn and make my own mistakes and successes. I’ll continue the exercises while travelling and see what happens. I had felt that ICASA needed to be kept secret, but that was just another barrier to me being whole. Of course I won’t just talk about ICASA willy-nilly to everyone, but it’s not something I have to hide from who I am anymore’.
‘I’ve been meaning to contact you for absolutely ages now to update you on how things have been going, so first of all please accept my sincere apologies for the wait! I was keen to let you know that my relationship has gone from strength to strength since I saw you last and indeed we got engaged last week! Needless to say none of this would’ve been possible without the help of ICASA and I really can’t thank you enough for your help and support (and patience)! The programme has clearly been a great success for me, and it’s hard for me to believe now how different things were for me just a couple of years ago. So I hope my story can help to reinforce your convictions in the value of the therapy you provide!’
‘Coming to the end of the programme I realise this is just the beginning of my new life. So what have I gained from ICASA? First of all I have gained a confidence from being with my Surrogate Partner. I have gained experience, which has given me confidence. I have learnt not to be ashamed of who I am and what I like sexually. I have learnt to appreciate my body. I have learnt to talk about sex and what I like and don’t like. I have learnt the ebb and the flow of lovemaking. And all of this has contributed to making me a more confident person. I also feel much more positive about my chances of meeting a man. Now that I’m no longer looking to ‘be saved without being pitied’ I feel more relaxed and attractive. I am even starting to feel like updating my wardrobe which I haven’t done for years. So it might be closing one door, but it is opening another door to my world I now feel part of. Instead of feeling I was a spectator to the world without being able to join the life. Now I finally start to feel whole and at home in this world. A big thank you for all of your help.’
‘What really made me realise what I’ve been missing all these years was the experience of lying close together and feeling her body against mine as we gently held each other and chatted about this and that. Interestingly I think it confirmed what I’ve long suspected – that I need to respond to someone on more than just the narrowly physical level if it is to mean anything to me. I’m now keener than ever to find someone to share my life with.’
‘One hundred percent wonderful! Everything was positive and encouraging, unlike the world outside of ICASA. I always left the sessions feeling enlightened and, at times, amazed myself at what I was able to do. I now feel fully equipped to deal with the outside world and it certainly feels a lot less scary than it used to. It’s quite amazing how, just changing the way you think, affects the person you are.’
‘Thank you for the invaluable work you do and all the help you have given me. It has firmly put me onto the path of sexual healing and change.’Just a big thank you for all your help and understanding – you were really fantastic. I hope this is ‘au revoir’ and not goodbye but either way I remain eternally grateful’
“Finally – Oh my god it feels so good. Oh yes! I was so happy. That’s it. I did it. Best moment of my life ever. I’m cured! Now I understand everything. Everything I’ve learned at ICASA. I can be even better than that. At least I understand to full stages of lovemaking and the momentum for a man. I have a clear picture now of what to do. I am relieved. I am happy. Now my sex life is starting. It’s all starting now. The beginning of a new life. I can’t find the words to express my joy and my gratefulness to all the staff at ICASA (and especially to my surrogate partner). I thank you so much. The next day at work, the girls at work asked me about my trip to the UK and they could see that I had changed, “You met a girl didn’t you!?” they said, and it wasn’t long before they all knew I had sex. I can feel I’ve changed. It’s like seeing life on a different perspective. Everything in life is now seen through new eyes.”