Sex After Menopause or Surgery 2017-03-01T15:07:04+00:00
Sex after Menopause or Surgery

Sex after Menopause or Surgery

Sex After The Menopause 

Many women feel that their sexuality may be diminished or even that it has ended as a result of the menopause. These changes can lead to distress or anxiety regarding sexual drive and functioning. Menopausal and postmenopausal women may notice that they are not as easily aroused, and may be less sensitive to being caressed, which can result in decreased ability to respond in sex. These new conditions can be upsetting and provoke anxiety and women, especially those who have had very little sexual experience or those who may have experienced the end of an intimate relationship through divorce or bereavement and want to find an intimate relationship in the second half of their life.

For many, this means the prospect of silent anxiety or, for those not in a loving relationship, the likelihood of remaining alone because of the fears associated with post menopausal sexual responses.

The ICASA Sexual Recovery Programme can be a most effective and appropriate way for a woman to rediscover her sexuality without anxiety.

Sex After Surgery 

Some surgical procedures can leave woman feeling disfigured, unattractive and, in many cases, perceiving themselves as completely unacceptable to their sexual partner.  Intimacy and sexuality may become a thing of the past; an aspect of life too emotionally painful to recommence without very sensitive help.

“I am 41 and last October I had a hysterectomy. I am not experiencing any menopausal symptoms because I was lucky enough to keep both ovaries. My problem is my sex drive has disappeared and it is really causing me to be afraid that my days of having sex in over…” 

“Twelve years ago I had a mastectomy and then three years later I had to have a hysterectomy. Now I feel so unattractive and sexual useless. I have lost all sexual desire. I am afraid to get intimate with anyone now because I think I will freeze with fear. It might be painful… or I might simply not be able to respond. I really don’t know how to reconnect with my sexuality. What can I do?”

“A couple of years ago I needed both hysterectomy and mastectomy as well. I can’t take hormones to increase my sex drive but this makes me feel that I am trapped in a sexless existence. I feel like an old woman now yet I am only in my early forties. I feel grateful to be alive but also angry that my life is so empty without any real prospect of having a fulfilling sexual relationship any more. Any suggestions…?” 

Intimacy and Sex After Rape or Abuse

It is shocking how many women have experienced destructive sex in the form of abuse or rape at some point in their life. Years later, the negative effects are still there, either in the mind all in the body – or both. Even if the mind has become reconciled to the trauma, the body has a memory of its own. Many women report being repulsed when a lover touches them and others report problems when actually having intercourse. Vaginal dryness, muscle tensing, or the impression of leaving the body and dissociating during sex are all common for somebody who has been sexually abused.

Rebuilding sexual confidence will take time and patience. The first step is to experience intimacy with someone who you are going to feel as safe as you could ever be. Properly structured Surrogate Partner Therapy is one of the few environments in which this can be experienced.

In Step Two of the ICASA Sexual Recovery Programme intimate non-sexual touch is an important step forward in discovering that pleasure is possible through the right kind of caress. You will also gain confidence in yourself, learning how to caress for your own sake rather than trying to give your partner pleasure at first.

Many women experience self-loathing of their own body image, with or without abuse. Every step in the programme has intimate exercises, or experiences. Every step also has clear boundaries. In Step Three, you will learn to love and honour your own body and to appreciate your own body, naked.

Gradually, one step at a time you will discover or re-discover that intimacy, touch and sexual arousal can help you to relax, be truly yourself and become happy again. Being intimate, making love, having sex, can be a wonderful thing. The pace of your recovery is individual to you. There are no expectations, no rush and no pressure.

Sexual Inexperience
Orgasmic Dysfunction & Painful Sex

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