Frequently
Asked Questions
What role does the
Surrogate Partner play in the Sexual Healing sessions?
He or she is not the clients therapist or teacher. He or she is exactly what the title suggests; the sexual partner whom the client does not have to help them.
The practical sessions are in order that the client may overcome the anxieties and resultant dysfunctions which they have experienced in intimate situations.
The surrogate partner will enable them to practice the anxiety management techniques and the sexual control techniques and other suggestions which will have been imparted to them during the
first part of the
session by the ICASA Therapist.
Every session is progressive; when a client has reached a point of new confidence and freedom from anxiety he or she will progress to the next level.
Interactive
Sexual Healing of this kind enables the client to discover intimacy as a healing experience; free from the pressures, potential rejection and judgmental attitudes that our modern world has placed upon them.
At The School of ICASA the therapeutic relationship is a three way relationship involving the ICASA
Director, the client himself or herself and, of course, the surrogate partner. Surrogate partners are very special people; defined by their ability to give of themselves emotionally and physically in order to help and
free others from their anxieties and inhibitions.
Does Surrogate Partner
Therapy work? Have you any
success stories you can share?
Surrogate Partner Therapy is always effective in appropriate cases.
Years ago when people would ask me of success rates I would answer them in terms of
percentages, but in recent years I have come to the point where I no longer discuss success rates I only talk in terms of failure rates, and failure rates are extremely low. Failure rates for properly constructed sexual therapy are restricted to individuals or couples who are
not fully motivated or committed.
Apart from that tiny percentage of presenting cases, Surrogate Partner Therapy is always successful in resolving the presenting complaints.
It works in a similar way to if you were teaching somebody to swim or to ride a bike.
The initial belief structure of the student is that they are likely to drown or fall off the bike if they try to perform those tasks on their own, and
this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Performance anxiety or fear of intimacy works in a similar way and as well as the individuals belief structure creating negative thoughts, he or she will of almost certainly have had negative experience to reinforce their self
doubts. So, just as in the case of teaching somebody to swim or ride a bike the student requires instruction and practical help, (for example, in riding a bike a tutor will hold the saddle and the crossbar while the student learns and gets through his or her doubts and fears; or in swimming, the instructor will hold the student
from under the water while he or she
practices). After a while its as though a light turns on inside the student and he or she says,
"Hey, I can do this thing", and will turn to the instructor and say,
"I don't need you anymore". Often the instructor says, "Well, I
haven't really been holding you for some time, but now you believe it!".
Do you believe many people have unrealistic expectations of what it is like to have a good sex life?
I believe that most people do not have expectations nearly high enough with regards to their sex life. There seems to be still so much emphasise on performance, objectives, goals, pressure, power,
procreation. All of these pressures restrict peoples expectations of their sex life reducing it to something that we
'do' instead of it being a life giving, healing and therapeutic experience that should be based on pleasure, mutual honour and respect.
Moreover most people, especially when they are young, only expect their sex life to remain active and pleasurable until they reach a certain age.
A realistic expectation that we should be encouraging is for intimacy and a right kind of sexuality to be a fundamentally essential and active part of our lives throughout our entire lives.
How long
does a course take?
Sessions are private. A full Therapy Course will usually consist of
between twelve to twenty sessions; each session lasting two hours. Appointments
are scheduled to accommodate individual practical circumstances and
context. Ideally the sessions are held once a
week although, for some, fortnightly sessions may be more suitable.
Appointments are usually arranged during weekdays although some Saturdays are
available in certain circumstances. For those who live further
away, overseas visitors or, indeed, if your work or lifestyle dictates that
scheduling regular weekly appointments is inconvenient a full private course of
Surrogate Partner Therapy can be scheduled over a shorter, more intensive period
of time with sessions being conducted on a consecutive basis. We can arrange
your accommodation locally at one of a choice of suitable local hotels.
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